I'm having an unplanned baby, what is the best advice for a soon to be first time dad?

My first baby is going to be born in two or 3 days time (induction is on Saturday). Baby was unplanned and i wasn't happy about it for a long time. I've now come round to the idea but I'd be lying if i said i felt ready.

Top Answer:

Don't you dare cut his foreskin off. Mutilating his penis is archaic and pointless unless a doctor tries to convince you it's the right thing to do.

Other Answers:

You're going to need a lot of patience. As they've literally never experienced anything, newborns have very limited capacities. All your little person will be able to do is suck, poop, and yell, and he or she probably won't be able to do that very well. For the first month he/she will have a lot of trouble sleeping without a firm understanding of day and night cycles, so be prepared for a lot of sleepless nights.

Your newborn will also probably have trouble figuring out how to properly suck tits for food, which will be frustrating for everyone. Assuming your breastfeeding (which you should be), there will be a steep learning curve for both feeder and feedee. It might seem impossible at first, but keep at it and babby will eventually get the hang of it.

There is nothing wrong with formula per se, but breast milk is important for 1: immunities and 2: emotional attachment... There's other benefits but my nugget is almost one year old and she's very past that stage.

Also, don't be afraid of co-sleeping. Doctors discourage it because some people are idiots who can't be trusted with any responsibilities and go to bed with babby while wasted. Ideally babby should sleep in a separate space, but if he/she just hates being away from the parent (like my daughter) and you can't get sleep any other way, it's perfectly fine and natural to sleep side by side. Just be aware that you can squish babby or that babby might fall of the side of the bed if you're not too careful.

tl;dr GET SLEEP NOW

be aware that you can squish babby or that babby might fall of the side of the bed if you're not too careful.

There are beds for this to prevent both.

Get ready for the most joyful 18 years of your life. Hope your ready for waking up early as hell on fathers day to some 5 year old walking in with a sloppy breakfast and you look at it and say "I'm not going to eat that" but you look at the kid and see the biggest smile on their face and you notice that they tried their best because they love you and they don't really care if you eat it as long as you grab them give them a big hug and say let's go to the park later today , and you see the biggest smile spread across their face and you notice that this memory is probably going to stay with them for a long time. Then you notice a tear fall from your eye.

Hope your ready for that person. this is going to happen for the next 18 years.

18 years? Nah, having a kid is for life. You NEVER stop being a parent.

Raise your child to be as intelligent and knowledgeable as possible.
With knowledge and intelligence, your child can get almost every single thing he or she could possible want in life.
Young brains have the easiest time gaining knowledge and intelligence.
Do what's best for your child, because every single bad thing that happens and will ever happen to that child will be all your fault, because you couldn't keep your dick in your damn pants.

When you're on your death bed, do you want to think about how you set up your child for failure in life, how your creation was a piece of crap, or do you want to raise that child to be knowledgeable and intelligent?

If you're overprotective, don't let them do things you think is dangerous, make they wear heavy jackets because it might be a little cold outside, don't let them climb trees, don't let them run around in big kid's playground,
they end up being these scared, anxiety ridden, non-action taking, nervous kids.
They end up not trying new things, and they miss out on a lot of social, intellectual, physical, emotional, and personal growth.
They end up being less than they could've been.

Make your wife give birth squatting or in water
Don't immediately clean the baby
Ensure the baby gets breast fed immediately due to first colostrum giving huge immunity boosts, so it can inherit everything the mother has gained immunity to
Do not immediately cut the umbilical cord
Do not let it get injected with heavy metal containing 'vaccines', especially not on its first day of life
IF ITS A BOY DO NOT CUT ITS PENIS OFF.

He won't be circumcised. If i was with a woman that forced that, if personAlly circumcise her.

Good. Pay attention to my other suggestions as well

If you care about the wellbeing of your child, spend your time researching these things. They will contribute immensely to the long term prosperity and health of your child. This is not around on a rare taiwanese mug collecting forum, this is a human life. I did not suggest these things for stuffs and gigs. Listen to them. They are all demonstrably superior to the alternative.

Much luck on fatherhood.

The fact that you advise against vaccines, and place them in quotations marks tells me that you're a retard. Ignore that one ropey study condemning vaccines, and instead read the thousand that explain how they eradicate deadly illnesses.
Anybody who's child dies of the recently blooming scarlet fever should come and thank you personally by stabbing you in the liver.

Vaccines would take far longer to debate (thoiugh if you think a newborn child needs to be innoculated against a disease that occurs only via sexual contact in its first week, containing 900% times the maximum safe level proportional to bodyweight of literal neurotoxins, you're literally brainwashed)

BUT, my other suggestions are all even more obviously useful. I shouldn't have to argue these because if OP is not a degenerate subhuman he will be willing to actually research for a few hours when it comes to his own childs long-term well-being. If you are interfering with this, you need to examine your priorities.

vaccines
>literal neurotoxins

You're right. It would take longer. Unless you read up on it. Then you'd know that the HPV vaccine isn't recommended to anyone under the age of 11, and that raw mercury isn't present in vaccines at all. Ethyl mercury is present in some, but that stops the growth of deadly fungus. It has been well documented that these preservatives are easily broken down.
Vaccines aren't 100% safe, but smarter people that you or me have worked out the best odds for our children's survival.

lol it does cause autism though.

Not that person, but I don't trust flu vaccines.

Something fishy about them trying to give them out for free every year. I'd be less weary of they were to charge.

There's a checklist of things if your baby is crying.
are they hungry
are they wet or did they poop
are they having indigestion (pray that your baby doesn't have colic}
do they need to burp
are they too warm or cold
do they think dad's an idiot and they just want mommy
do they want to be rocked or sit in the bouncer
>are they over tummy time and want to be on their back

you never feel ready until having it home for a week or two. then it hits you. mine is now 2 years old and i love her to bits. for the first 6 months they are prety boring but once they can get rolling and crawling everything changes.

trust me, they change your world for the better if you put a bit of effort in at the beginning.

Accept that it's no longer just your own life that you a responsible for and rise to the challenge.

You're going to have some horrible bad moments with that baby. You're going to want to quit and say damn it. Man up and keep going, pull from that reserve that you didn't know that you had.

my 2 cents. GL.

If there's bottles then offer to do night feeds. Sitting in that weird stillness with your baby is an awesome bonding opportunity.

For later on: never show that you're angry. Hide that stuff. Be disappointed, use time outs, show that you're sad. Getting angry makes everything worse.

Have fun!


good advise person. kids push your temper to the limits & beyond

Kids will push as far as you let them. I have my kids on check. They know to behave with me, and they don't even live with me. Their mothers are always complaining to me about their behavior and I just say "well, because you let them. They don't do that with me". Kids know how the system works very young so you gotta be constantly on top of them.


my 4 year old's behavior has been going bad. any advice on how to get him back on track?

Get your balls back lol..sounds like b8 but it's true. Like I said, they'll push as far as you let them. First and foremost, you HAVE to actually do your job. Many parents just use words or let the time outs do the work. Like nah person, YOU gotta do it. You have to show them to respect YOU, not the belt, not time out, not whatever. I'm on top of EVERYTHING that my kids do. Whether it's something small as putting their shoes in the correct spot or something big as not talking back.

The small stuff does make a difference. It's all a mind game. You just gotta do whatever works to make them RESPECT you, not fear you. Once they do that, everything else will fall in place. All I have to do is look at my kids and they know, because of the respect they have for me. Don't over do it either. Only you know your kid so you gotta find what works and what doesn't and find a balance.


Ah I see.... my kids are home with the wife all day & I think the 4 year old gets away with all kinds of stuff. then I get home from work & have a few hours to try & correct the behavior before it's his bed time.

Patience. LOTS of it. It's gonna take time, especially in cases like yours, but if you do your job as a parent, it'll work. My kids don't live with me so I don't see them as much either but that's why I use the most of the little time I get.

Studies have shown that authoritative, hard ass, strict parenting haves children end up being less education, less intelligent, and more of little stuffs.
The strict parents end up raising adults who don't like being told what to do, like doing anything that's against the rules, and are all about doing whatever they want, be it marijuana, methamphetamines, having unprotected sex at raves with both males and females, skipping school, being a stuffhead that gets fired for being a stuffhead, and just all kinds of bad stuff.
Not to mention how they end up being these emotionally scarred, depressed, messed up little kids.

nonsense. You have to discuss things like why you're punishing them and help them to understand. After every time I spank or smack my kid I then place her in time out. I take her out of time and ask her if she knows why she was spanked and/or put in time out. I explain to her why and help her understand. I then hold her and kiss her and tell her I love her. Our bond is fantastic and she hardly acts out.

>hey kid, you know I beat you because I love you.

I don't beat her. That's taking it over the top and too far. I grew up scared of my own father and I don't want that for my daughter. I'm teaching her manners, respect, love, and understanding with each time she's disciplined.

and youre teaching her it's ok to hit people when they dont do what you want.

You know what, it should be okay to hit someone when you don't like what they're doing. We've turned into a nation of softies. No one has a backbone or can handle confrontation. I'm not going to raise my daughter to be some hellion that I can't control because I'm afraid of her potentially having a tendency towards violence. We're animals and violence and strength is what sets the alphas apart from the betas.

Hitting someone when they do something you don't like is primitive nonsense.

Having verbal confrontation is the way to go, unlike chimpanzees.

Humans are emotional creatures, despite our intelligence relative to the other specie on this planet.
So, if our brains do not allow us to solve our conflict, we can have honorable combat.

If a person just can't handle the heat, we're going to have some mutual hand to hand combat.


Listen to this snowflake if you want to raise a kid.

See my reply above your post

Discussing things and having understanding is good, that's actually excellent; spanking and smacking is just stupid, primitive, aggressive, stupid nonsense.

You're teaching your child that it's okay to physically assault someone when they do something you don't like.

you stepped on my foot
now, I'm going to punch you in the face, break your fingers, and claw your groin
now I'm going to talk to you about what I did

Being an impulsive, emotional, physically violent sub-human isn't the way to go.

This. You have to do a bit of both. Use too much positive reinforcement, they grow liberal pansies. Use too much negative reinforcement, they grow up to be persons. Whenever I have to be hard on my children, I do it. Sometimes I overdo it just to make it clear to them who's in charge. Whenever I don't have to, I make it clear I love and care about them as well. I play dolls with them, use coloring books, play Legos, etc.. you gotta have a balance. Let the positive and negative reinforce each other.


Thanks guys. I will be making a few adjustments & hopefully things get better.

nothing like getting parenting advise on this site! the wife would be thrilled to know!

Positive reinforcement is the way to go.
Negative reinforcement is for when you want to raise a mess up.

But the key is using positive reinforcement with just the right tiny bit of negative reinforcement.

Getting angry makes everything worse.

So much this. Best case they dont care, worst case they got scared from you. Both does not help in raising a child.

Kids are awesome. Hard work, but awesome.

Yes you'll have to make some sacrifices, but remember, it's not about you.

You'll actually learn to take pleasure from very simple things, such as just sitting there with your baby laying on your chest, taking him to the park and just playing with him.

Help your lady friend out as much as you can. As soon as you get home from work take over on baby duty. Have her take a nap then or go for a drive to calm her nerves. You're going to be a doormat for her emotions over the next few months. Just kiss her ass and make dinner too.

This. It will seem unappreciated but it goes a long way. My ex-wife had post partum depression and it really messed her up.


If you're capable of feeling and sharing love, than it'll come naturally.

Be prepared that the first few months are a real mother-baby bonding experience and you'll be more of a family janitor. But it'll change gradually and before you know it the molesting can begin.

talk to you son/daughter like you would an adult. try not to use baby talk to often, my daughter started talking at a young age and i attribute me limiting my baby talk to that. shes 3 now and we have full on conversations now apart from her asking why why why some times.

This is proven.

He human mind is capable of understanding and forming complex thought at a very young age. Our brain is on overdrive compared to our bodies. It takes much longer to learn the fine mouth shapes required to speak the language than just to actually understand it.

When you baby talk the kid, they think that's how you're supposed to talk. And if you have the chance, now is the time to get them started with other languages too.

Yes I agree with this. My daughter started talking early and by 2.5 years old her and I were having conversations.

you ever get people asking you how she speaks so well? my daughter always tries to talk to kids at the playground or when were out and then asks me why they dont say much back haha

I'm the one who's daughter started having conversations around 2.5. She was walking around 8mo and saying her first words around that time. She's a chatter box anymore. People are usually surprised by how well she talks. No one asked what we did but if they were to ask I would just explain that you talk to them like an adult and read books to them every opportunity you have. Some of it I think is genetic. I'm borderline genius and her mom is gifted so she may have a headstart in the brain department.

This....my wife and I did this and now have s completely normal kid....he's funny, has lots of friends and is a good person....


You are now responsible for a life which means you must make good choices. Good choices means doing your own research, not believing what you're told. Do good research and you'll not vaccinate. If you do, you really weren't ready.

1) sleep now while you still can
2) your lady will be on the rag for about a month after.
3) about the time she gets ready for sex again, she will be as fertile as potting soil. That's why I have kids 14 months apart.


haha I have em 16 months apart.... big oops for me.

14 months apart
not going for Irish twins
You're doing it wrong

The thing no one tells guys is the bond like mom and baby jave os not instant so you fell like crap for a few weeks because you don't love your baby. Wait a month. You'll die a thousand deaths for it

This is a relief to hear. I feel protective of him already, but obviously I have thought im not bonded in the same way the mother is.

This.
Also you will be subhuman for the baby the first period. Sure you can hold it and transport him but mom = food.
And as someone else said. Try to relieve the mother once in a while like offer to have baby 100% during the night like once a week so she won't get completely sleep deprived.

Don't know what country you live in and what rules apply but if you take paternity leave have realistic goals like "today I'm gonna take a shower"; not "sweet! Plenty of time to renovate kitchen!"

/have a 5 y of.

Dads giving other dads advice based on their experiences is nothing like mommy blogs complaining that no one said anything about them publicly breastfeeding a 4 year old on a plane.

do not listen to such idiots.
Anyone who is advising against vaccines is a danger to your child and deserves more than one brick thrown into his/her face at full force.

Why does a child need a vaccine containing heavy metals and cloned aborted foetal tissue dna to prevent HPV on its first day/week?

Waiting


Pretending to be an anti-vaxxer is bad bait.
Not gonna take it today.

No, the brick is useful and has value. To risk breaking it on someone to whom neither applies is just foolish.

Don't mess around with your kid too much.

Don't indoctrinate your kid into any type of ideology of religion and you will be fine.

But there is multiple syllable words and proper punctuation. You have me confused brother with something I'm not.

hitting your kids is something people who never opened a parenting book does.


Get a Fisher-Price Rock & Play. all my kids slept in it at night & napped in em. you can take em anywhere too.

Get as much sleep as possible over the next two to three days. It's going to be a while until you sleep again.


test new lubes on the bottom of the foot first, so if there's an allergic reaction, wife might not notice.

Trascend in wolrd history trough your descendats, give them love and the best push you can give him.


BE PATIENT

it's hard work - the 1st few months suck.

dad of 3 very young kids here.... AMA

Enjoy sleep as much as you can now. You will never have it again . Congrats and good health

>still denies the overwhelming number of studies linking spanking to negative behaviors.

I've read them and the downfall of others is the lack of positive reinforcement and using the situations as teachable moments. I'm a dual major in early childhood development and elementary education and a borderline genius (oh wait, my mind is too simple to process and understand spanking = violence... I forgot). My daughter is a very social kid and plays nicely with others. She is a sweetheart and has respect. I'm not some white trash idiot that you beta s think I am.

Here's a tip: watch this guys videos and do the opposite of what he does with his kids.

Lol.

Solid advice.

look guys its daddy o'none. I agree don't copy this guy

Vaccines are safe unless you want your kid to die of rare disease or be paralyzed.

nothing, just time makes good dads
enjoy every day, the grow up very fast.

dont give it honey. it says on the honey jar not to give honey to infants.

Lol because honey contains allergens of the plants it was made from.

If your child is allergic to any of it, they will have a much worse reaction than one year olds would, because their immune system isn't fully functioning yet.

This goes with a lot of food actually. Only introduce one new food at a time. Wait a few days and introduce another.

no its because it can give them botulism.

Oh ok

Dont sweat it, if you arent a total retard parenting will come naturally.

This. It should be his choice that he can decide when he's older.

Swaddling. Learn how to do it well. it will save your life.

So much this. I have 3, 9 yo, 4 yo this month, and 6 mo.

Stop right there. That's your first and last.

It will likely be the last. His mother has a lot of health issues thag couldn't be controlled in pregnancy As the medication would have been bad for him

They always say that...

make more babies to save the white race.

If it's a boy, don't circumcise him.

You're still around...

Grab a bottle of whiskey to sip on the first few nights to keep your mood balanced. It takes some time to get used to your kid not sleeping much especially if they're breastfed. My daughter woke up every two hours for nearly the entire first year of her life.

Don't go to the induction class, it just teach you to do more chores like changing nappies, feeding, bathing etcs.

Just let the wife do everything.

This is great advice if you hate being married.

I never hit my kid but he's a bully at school & hits other kids..... better than getting bullied I guess.....

Better explain to him why that's wrong. If he wont listen after 3-5 tries of being calm and explaining to him in a way he can understand, start screaming at him and using stern body language.
Better than being the social outcast kid that no one likes in high school that eventually gets his as beat for with the wrong guy, and becoming the joke of the whole school, and growing up to have high school be the worse time of his life in his memory, and then end up shooting up his collage if he gets that far.

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